You've Been GHOSTED!!! Now what?

So, let's talk about ghosting. If you haven't heard of it, sit tight because I am going to define and describe it to you in great detail. I've had it happen to me one too many times and I think it's about time to expose the ones who ghost and how you can handle it without wanting to destroy the person on the other end. 

The last guy that I was so deeply interested in ghosted me after we had messaged each other for almost two weeks. Now granted before some of you look at me strangely, I have no idea what I am doing or how things were going to turn out. We had already set a date, but we just kept texting each other. Well...he kept texting me. Before the end of the day on Tuesday, the week before last, I hadn't heard from him. We had gotten into the habit of texting each other all day until we both fell asleep at night and the conversations were drawing us closer together. I was fine with it until I decided I needed more detail from him regarding our brunch date on Saturday. I got no response. I had sent him the text on Friday. I had fallen so hard I went so far as to call him on his cell phone and left him a detailed message about how I felt about him and that if he wanted to give us a chance to call me back. I got no call-back. I waited on him on Saturday and still heard nothing. At the end of the day Saturday, I had officially given up hope. I texted him that I didn't know what he was doing or why he was acting this way, but that I was done and texted him goodbye. He was the last guy that ghosted me, but he wasn't the first. I've had it happen to me once before. 

Part of me feels like I brought this upon myself because I ghosted my first ex-boyfriend, a few years ago, several times because of his pride and his attitude towards me. I had become angry at him and no longer felt the same way about him that I did at the beginning of our relationship. But he was one of a kind, despite the fact that I would ghost him without warning, once I came back and explained to him why I did it, he was understanding. After that, we talked for awhile and then it just became difficult for me to be his friend because he had baggage that I just couldn't handle. So, I told him we couldn't be friends anymore. 

So, what is ghosting? Well, in simple terms it is when a person suddenly ceases all communication via texting, messaging, or e-mail without warning. 

So, why do we do it? Why do men and women, boys and girls, ghost one another? I can only think of a couple of reasons: they have baggage that they are not prepared to bring into this new relationship, they are not emotionally prepared to handle someone else's baggage (me), they realize that they really like the person and they fear the worst might happen (whatever that is). 

Everyone has their own reasons for ghosting and none of us are immune to it. I will tell you though, that there are ways of responding to this common phenomenon and no none of them involve harassing the other person.

Pray/Ask: I am a Christian so when I was feeling numb (and I still am) and was ready to just give up on dating and men altogether (which I am currently doing), I prayed and explained to God about my history with guys and that all of them, except for one, had one thing in common: I met them all through dating apps. I knew right then that I was fed up with dating apps and online dating and decided that I was not going to do it anymore. I also mentioned to Him that the last guy that I matched with made my heart so numb I don't even look at them the same anymore. I don't look at them as potential partners. I just look at them. Like you would look at your reflection in a mirror or a painting at an art gallery. That's it. I am just looking. Now granted, I did officially put my romantic life in God's hands because the way I am doing it is wrong. I asked him to show me where to go. I can't just sit in my apartment and just expect a guy to show up. But now, I have ceased control of any romantic relationships I have to God. If you are not a Christian, you can always rely on the universe or whoever you put your trust in for these kinds of situations. Just know that once you recognize the issue, you confess, and let whoever or whatever, take control.

Meditate/Breath: You may still be harboring negative feelings, but you shouldn't be. Give yourself time to meditate and do some deep breathing and relax your body and mind. Then, you can focus your attention where it really needs to be.

Friends: You confide in them anyway. Call on them, text them, Facetime. I don't care. Just get in touch with them. You can share your feelings with them, or not. Even if you and your crew go out for drinks or to the bowling rink. You will be too focused on enjoying yourself to be thinking about that guy or girl that ghosted you. 

Family: You confide in them too, depending on who it is. For me, it was my younger sister. Even at the age of sixteen, she may be new to the idea of ghosting, but she does know what it is like to have her heart broken and she shared that with me the night that I really needed someone to talk to. After talking through it with her, not only was I proud to be her big sister, but I was proud of her wisdom and was grateful that she was there for me when I needed her. That was a big step for both of us. If you have a family member that you are close to and that you are comfortable with, talk to them too. It couldn't hurt, right?

Music: I know I always seem to be plugging music into my posts but I can't help it. It applies to everything! Even when you feel nothing. Even when you want to cry. Even when you want to punch a wall. Music is soothing to the ears and has a calming effect on our bodies. No matter what music you listen to, you will never stay unhappy for long because music should make you feel good. Now, I am not talking about depression here. If you are depressed, you may want to consider some alternative solutions. But for those that have experienced heartbreak, music should help. 

Nature: Get outside! The sun has a very special way of boosting our mood even when we feel like crying. Trust me it works! You can go for a walk or a run. Or you can just sunbathe. You can sit out on the patio and read a good book or listen to a good podcast. As long as you are getting some natural vitamin D, you won't stay upset for long. Believe me!

Comedy: I have always been the type of person that loves a good comedy. So, if I am feeling down and out, I like to watch a comedy special or listen to a comedic podcast. It doesn't matter! As long as I am laughing, there is no reason for me to feel down. P.S. Kevin Hart will always and forever make me laugh. I can't be upset when I watch or listen to him. Pick a good comedy or comedian and start laughing. Go on, do it!

At the end of the day, let the person that ghosted you know how you feel, in the nicest way possible, and just leave it alone. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't get caught up in forcing yourself to love only one fish.